Hi everybody. I feel like I'm having a relapse of a mental illness I suffered from when I was a kid. It never really interfered with my life, and I was never diagnosed with anything, but I do remember some really weird stuff I used to do; in addition to that, I just last week found myself suffering from some really nasty headaches and night terrors. I wouldn't think the two are related, but-- well, bear with me, I'll get to that.
This post will be a wee bit long but I'm hoping somebody here might have suffered from something similar and can tell me what the condition or syndrome is called. I'd really like to get some pills or therapy that could assist me with this.
I was staying with my parents last week, and I wasn't able to sleep. So out of boredom I went digging around in our garage through some boxes that had a bunch of my old shit in it-- toys, books, school assignments, that sort of stuff. I was really excited when I dug out this old sketchbook of mine that I thought I had thrown away. I was really into being an artist when I was younger. It was kind of painful looking at some of those terrible old drawings.
Then I came across some pictures in particular that sort of left me a little shaken; I think maybe I'd repressed the memory of them or something, but then it was like I wondered how I'd ever forgotten. It's really difficult to explain without showing the pictures themselves.
This is a picture I did when I was probably 5 or 6 of my house and my dog, Milly. Your first question is probably going to be what that stuff in pencil is; that's where I need help.
The figure standing behind Milly is almost definitely "Jambi". Jambi was my imaginary friend until I was about 10. It isn't shown here but I specifically remember telling people he always wore a purple shirt. I remember adding these details to the drawing later, and I'm talking days or weeks later, not a long time afterward. But until I dug this book up again it was like I'd blocked the memory of Jambi, and the pencil parts, out-- it was almost like a light bulb "oh, yeah!" moment when I remembered Jambi.
I have no idea what that weird thing around my head is supposed to be, that's another part I'm hoping someone can help me with.
This picture was drawn on May 12th, 1991; I remember the date because it was exactly one day before Milly died from a stroke. Her little grave is out in the backyard.
This is a bigger picture of Jambi from when I was probably 7 or 8. I remember Jambi "adding" the marker lines after I "showed" it to him. Looking back, it was always kind of a point of argument between Jambi and I that he never smiled.
This is a map of my parents' house that I drew for a class project (my blue crayon snapped in half partway through). The thing that sticks out to me here is "Jambi's" addition of a door in our basement that wasn't there, and that sideways person. I'm not sure if that's supposed to be him or not; why would he be in the basement when I'm up in my room?
This is a self portrait I drew when I was 12. I tried to make it super realistic but it just wound up looking strange and creepy, I think. Here I drew that weird halo thing around my head again, but I'm not sure when I did that. I remember my mom asking me what that was supposed to be every time she saw it, and I told her "I don't know, Jambi drew it". The thing is, by the time I drew this portrait I hadn't "spoken" to Jambi in over two years.
This one is a picture of Jambi and me, obviously. You can see that he's gone over the smile on his face with a pencil again, and drawn the halo behind me. This one was pretty unremarkable at first, until I was showing my mom the sketchbook for a laugh. she said she'd looked through my sketchbook dozens of times when I was younger, and she didn't remember this picture at all.
Putting all that together, it makes me feel really weird and I'm just hoping there somebody who's been through something similar, and can tell me if there's a name for it or anything I can read on the subject. Please don't hesitate to send me an email if your post would be too personal for this forum.